What To Do (or Not Do) When a Friend, Co Worker or Relative Suffers a Loss.
I recently discovered 101 Ways You Can Help: How to Offer Comfort and Support to
. It’s a book I think will definitely spread light for both the bereaved and the folks around them. Liz Aleshire, the author, lost her only child, a sixteen-year-old son, 15 years ago. It was Aleshire’s great hope that she would someday write a book to teach others how to deal with friends and family of those who have lost a loved one. She says she felt the way people reacted to her ordeal was so disappointing, “They just stood there and stared at me. I represented their worst nightmare. They couldn’t even say a simple, I’m sorry.”
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An accountant and part-time writer, Aleshire wove the writing of the book in with the myriad of other things she had on her plate. Unfortunately, due to a heart attack, she was unable to finish the work. Six of her friends, all of them, and including Aleshire, were members of the International Women’s Writing Guild. A member of this group myself, it was upon reading the IWWG newsletter that I realized that these six women had come together not only to visit Ms.Aleshire on a daily basis during her hospital stay (taking turns), but after her death they finished the remainder of her book.
After reading the article, I immediately ordered a book through Amazon. You see, coincidentally, I am a co-member of the sorority of mothers who have lost a child. I was therefore really interested in what Liz had to say and even more so because a dear friend of mind had just experienced the loss of her husband.
And so I dove right into the book as soon as I received it. I’m writing this now to shout out that this should be mandatory reading for anyone who wants to help grieving friends get it “right” for those who have lost someone they loved and are in need of some caretaking, understanding, and have good listening skills. I believe it is universal that people are shy, embarrassed, scared, and nervous at having to deal with a person or persons who find themselves in the predicament of going to visit the bereaved. I’ve never heard anyone who’s learned of a death say they were excited about going to a funeral! And even though I’d experienced a devastating loss, I still was often unsure of what to say, other than, I’m so sorry for your loss. And Liz assures us that that is about all you need to say in the beginning.
Well, Liz Aleshire knew exactly what she wanted to say and what she wanted to hear, and it is all condensed into 188 pages. There are so many things I’d never thought of doing but wish I’d known, and since it’s never too late to learn, here we go: Within the six chapters she made lists, for example in Chapters one and two, #’s 1 to 11 for Dos, and #’s 12 to 22 for Don’ts. Then she moves on to what to do if you have a common interest with the bereaved, or a co-worker, your neighbor, your best friend or a family member, altogether totaling 101 tips. And on top of that, in the back of the book there are websites offering resources, a bibliography, how to attend a funeral and or a memorial service, and last but not least, there’s the About the Author page.
And believe it or not, there is actually a lot of humor in this author’s writing, which helps it all go down smoothly. 101 Ways You Can Help: How to Offer Comfort and Support to Those Who Are Grieving
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